Fatherhood Becoming a Reality

So, this whole blog thing kinda weirds me out but I thought it was time to share my feelings. Shay being pregnant has been a very exciting time, and throughout I have been as involved as I could, trying to experience it all.

But no matter how many doctor appointments I went to, or how many times we went to baby r' us and looked at strollers...the pregnancy still seemed kind of sureal to me. Nothing was different for me. My body was the same, my daily routine unchanged. I felt like us being pregnant was a really great idea...just didn't feel real yet.

That has all changed. As I was typing an email to my Aunt Chris this morning, I realized how I was really feeling. Rather than re-type, here is part of the email from earlier this morning. I am normally pretty guarded about these types of emotions so this leaves me feeling a bit, uh... exposed, but here goes:

The last month has been especially exciting for me, as the reality of fatherhood is starting to really set in. My emotions have run the gamot...excited, nervous, anxious, content, apprehensive, confident...etc, etc.

The pregnancy was kind of out of sight, out of mind for the first 3 months or so, then I started to notice Shay's little belly and we begin to look at furniture, clothing, etc for baby. But no matter what we talked about or looked at that first trimester, it hadn't really sunk in that we were having a baby. Don't get me wrong, I was so damn excited I could hardly contain it...but still, the tangibility of the pregnancy and impending fatherhood was still absent. I'm sure every soon to be father has that "moment"...the one that stops them dead in their tracks, slaps them upside the head and alters their reality.

This moment for me came the morning after we assembled the crib and dresser and set them in what will soon be our daughters room. I had walked past this room thousands of times. As it was previously our office, I had spent countless hours working, lounging, watching TV, getting ready for work, etc in this room. That fateful morning when I stopped and looked in that room it hit me like a ton of bricks. I get emotional when I think about, and am typing this through watery eyes...this will be the room where the most precious thing in the world lays her head and sleeps. This will be the room where we will spend countless dark hours trying to understand her cries and comfort her. I know this all sounds really corny...but it truly was one of the most amazing moments of my life, I can only imagine how I'll feel at her birth!Our wedding day remains the best day of my life...but I have a feeling it is going to have some competition soon!!

Shay's belly continues to grow and we can now feel our little girl kicking. Of course, Shay has felt her for a while now, but I can feel her too now. It is just incredible to feel my girl kicking away in there. I talk to her quite a bit and she seems to respond with a jab or a roundhouse. It's probably just the noise, or pressure of my hand on Shay's tummy, but I like to think she is responding to her daddy!! I keep asking Shay to hurry up...I wanna hold her :), she just laughs at me!!

Thanks for listening...er, reading.